Time Flies!

I remember the first words that I said to you, "Hey little man!" I was overwhelmed, scared out of my mind, talk about shock and awe! After what seemed like an eternity, 9 whole months, you had finally arrived. I can not complain you did not take long once you decided to come, and you came on the day you were expected to arrive. After getting a police escort to the hospital, Grandma's fault, and a wonderful dose of drugs, it was only a little over an hour and you were here! Finally, out! Relief should have flooded my whole being but I was numb. Never had I ever felt so completely and utterly out of my element. I had no clue what to do with you, this little man that was now ours to take care of. Raising a child is no joke, and you came without any instructions printed on your itty, bitty, baby buns! I stayed awake all night and just watched you sleep, you looked like a glowworm all swaddled up in your blankets. All those years ago I had no idea how fast time would fly. Now here you are ready to get off the kiddie ride and head to the big roller coaster and all I can do is sit by and pray that we have given you the right tools and training to face the challenges that life has for you. Almost 18 years later, I am still overwhelmed and scared out of my mind! You have been an amazing creation to watch, from baby to toddler, from boy to young man. Where did the years go? You promised me when you were little that you would always be my little man, now you are taller than me. I have watched you grow through some tough things. It was not easy for you to move when you were getting so close to being a teenager and then again as you headed into high school you found yourself faced with the challenges of being the new kid again. I prayed for you that you would find your way through and you did! You have always been a wonderful son, people ask me all the time, "what did you do to have such great kids?" , I am not really sure, Iwe put you in God's hands as soon as the nurse placed you in mine and weIhave never looked back. We know that God has a plan for you, we have always wanted God to use you in big ways. You have always had a soft heart when it came to spiritual things. We as parents tend to celebrate the first things that our children do, but I think back over the years and recall the lasts. The last time I changed your diaper, the last time you were in a car seat, the last time I pushed you in a stroller, the last time I gave you a bath, the last time I chose your "outfit", the last time I kissed your boo-boo, this could take all day, the "lasts" go on and on! This is also a time for new "firsts", first strides toward adulthood, first year at college, first relationships, again the list will be endless. Before long you will be the parent and maybe you will understand how quickly time flies!

Spoken in love?

There is a lot of wisdom in the old sayng,"If you can't say something nice,don't say nothing at all." I will take it a step further, just because you think it you do not have to say it. I always teach my students to think before they speak. Are the words I am going to say hurtful or helpful. This seems to be lost on the majority of people. Especially Christians! I believe in liberty through Christ, but what happened to speaking in love? truth in love, lies in love, they shall know us by our love. Seems like some versions must say, they shall know us by our spiteful,hateful,destructive words. Words are forever, you can apologize and try to erase the words but once out of your mouth, or entered on the computer they are there for all to see. Lord, help me to be careful with my words! Guard my mouth from unkind words spoken out of anger or just a bad mood. As the Psalmist says, let Your praise be continually on my lips.

Questions

Where is my journey taking me? When will I finally feel at home? Will it ever be here on this earth? What is my purpose? Why can I not find joy in the place that God has put me? I want to be happy and content but I just have a restlesness inside that there is more to do than just this! Some days I am ready to just give up teaching and cross the road to a new path, but what is it? I feel like a 5 year old asking God so many questions and not really waiting for a response. I try to be still and know that He is God and He is in control of all things but it gets very hard, the waiting, the silence. What is in me that needs to go, of course I know some things, my pride, my determination to do it on my own, my selfishness. God I want  you to have those areas of my life that are struggles for me and clean them out. It is hard to wait patiently for the answers that you have for me. Why can't finding Your will be like Google? Just type it in and choices appear, then I could decide what I want and one double-click later, bam, I have my answer! I guess until then I will have to trust that You are in control and are always for me not against me.

seriously Job?!

How did you do it? How did you take all that Satan threw at you? And stay sane? How did you not lash out to those who tried to destoy you? How did you not get bitter and angry? I read chapter 13 this morning and I know you asked God questions, but did you feel you got a response? I want to be able to go through all kinds of attacks and handle it just like you did, not sure I have the strength. Not even sure I have the desire today! I will try to follow your example, praise God for all things even bad things, knowing that it is for His glory. Like a song we sang on Sunday morning, let justice and grace become my embrace,comsumemefrom the inside out,Lord.